


Cuddle Monster

by Broba



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Camping, Cuddles, F/F, F/M, Gay, Sexual Content, Sexual Experimentation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-18
Updated: 2012-12-18
Packaged: 2017-11-21 10:09:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/596485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Broba/pseuds/Broba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kinkmeme prompt!</p><p>Trolls have a very particular idea about how you are supposed to behave when you are sleeping with your matesprit. As John is about to find out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cuddle Monster

Four figures trudged up the wilderness path to Ohanapecosh, crossing over the river that extended down from the hot springs into the Mount Ranier park. It was one of the most fabulous natural environments in Washington state, which is why John had insisted on taking the camping trip up there. Dave went along easily enough, he could be persuaded to enjoy a little nature when the alternative was another movie night from John's collection of favourites. As for the other two, they had come out of a sense of duty perhaps, or because it was the culturally appropriate thing to do when they were visiting the territory of another, but that hadn't stopped them complaining bitterly the whole way.  
  
Terezi was having no trouble with the path, adroitly avoiding snagging branches and slippery scree with delicate taps of her cane, but she still insisted that it was enormously unfair to expect the blind girl to have to fend for herself in the howling wastes of the human environment. She had grown up in a forest and in fact had the easiest time of any of them getting about, but she was enjoying needling Dave. As for Karkat, he was moaning bitterly and had become convinced that he was going to die out there. He resented being dragged outside at the best of times, considering the wider human world to be frankly inhospitable at best and a miserable endless vortex of despair at worst. That was exactly how he described the magnificent Ohanapecosh grounds. John gritted his teeth and pressed on, and Dave was silently enduring beside him. They shared a glance, and took a little solace in the fact that both of them were having their lives made equally miserable by their significant others. From the point of view of the humans, they were enjoying- if that were the word- a holiday with their boyfriend and girlfriend respectively. Terezi had explained that she had come along to protect her moirail from the great outdoors, as she felt that Dave was surely incapable of surviving out there alone. Karkat simply refused to be separated from his matesprit and had announced that it was a mighty symbol of his romantic blandishments that he would follow John into this strange human emotion called tourism.  
  
The winter sun was white, low in the sky and seemed further then ever as they broke for lunch. Karkat wore an enormous sun hat and huddled in an enormous duffel-coat, while Terezi sheltered under an umbrella and was wearing what could only be described as a makeshift poncho that may well once have been an appalling rug. Thus protected, the trolls felt able to go about in the daytime with only the minimum of necessary complaining. Principally, the problem was the cold. Dave could empathise, his Texan blood made the Washington winter difficult, but the trolls had it worse. They were not able to regulate their temperature in the way the humans could, and the winter was especially hard on them this far north. Terezi could manage, but Karkat was shivering violently. Apparently the temperature a troll found normal was related to their blood colour in some way but the humans didn't bother trying to understand it. Nonetheless Karkat refused to be left behind and just piled on more coats, but as he couldn't generate heat as well as a human the extra insulation was only of limited help.  
  
John was starting to get concerned as the day drew on to night, he hadn't realised just how much the temperature was an issue for Karkat, and of course it didn't help Karkat's usual truculent mood any.  
“Okay, this is where the camping starts!” John slapped his hands, and unshouldered the heavy bag with his tent in. Dave followed suit with his own.  
“What do you mean, the camping starts now?” Karkat chattered, “we've just been camping all fucking day!”  
“Oh, no, that was just the hike to get up here! The camping is when we put up our tents, it's called a camp-site you see-”  
“Egbert!” Karkat roared, “tell me this misery is not continuing into the night!”  
“Well, yeah. That's the point. We stay out here, and tell ghost stories and roast marshmallows, and stuff.”  
Behind them Dave was already unrolling his tent and fixing poles. He couldn't help but suppress a chuckle.  
“It's true, dude. And the ghost stories have to be shitty and predictable. Extra points if it starts to rain.”  
“Da-a-a-ave,” Terezi elbowed him in the side, “don't tease, it's freezing up here!”  
“Hey don't blame me, this was Egbert's plan.”  
“That's right!” John piped up, “and you're all going to thank me because it will be fun and great!”  
He was so earnest that even Karkat descended into a mere background grumble.  
  
They got the fire going, and that helped. After a dinner of frank-and-beans with haphazardly fried eggs and toast that was, to be fair, unusually delicious they were all feeling more like themselves. Dave slapped his thighs and got up.  
“Welp. Got to. You know.”  
“Dave?” Terezi stared ahead blankly, but snapped her fingers to make sure he paid attention, “got to what?”  
“You know.”  
“Clearly not!”  
“Oh I love this bit. Here's where I come up with a load of sick-ass metaphors for takin' a piss, and you don't get it, until eventually I have to just shout out that I need a piss, and you laugh and we all laugh, and it's fun.”  
“Do you need to human urinate, Dave?”  
“Yes, yes that's what I'm going to go do.”  
“Watch out for bears!”  
“Ain't no bears up here,”  
“I've been reading about bears, they can tear you in half with one swipe of their mighty claw-hands.  I imagine if you got into a fight with a bear, Dave, you would immediately die.”  
Terezi grinned proudly at imparting this vital information.  
“Uh,” Dave was nonplussed, “yeah thanks.”  
  
Dave started away, but before he went he waggled his eyebrows at John and tilted his head sharply until John finally go the message and made his own excuses to walk off with Dave into the woods. As soon as they were out of earshot of the camp, Dave span and grabbed John by the shoulders, grinning wildly.  
“Dave!”  
“Dude, this is perfect!”  
“Did, uh, did you need to take a leak?”  
“Naw. I carry around an empty AJ bottle for that, went earlier.”  
“What, for real?”  
“Of course, got to be prepared.”  
“Who the fuck prepares for needing a piss-bottle?”  
“Well shit, you never had to grow up with my Bro. Let's just leave it there, little man.”  
“Uh, okay. So what's all this about.”  
“Okay, so, tonight man. It's happening. It's perfect, the stars are aligned, the moon is full, it's the night.”  
“What are you talking about?”  
“Dude. Me and Terezi. It's happening man- right here, tonight.”  
“You mean, you and here are going to....?”  
“Hell yeah! It's time for T to meet the D.”  
“Oh. Oh!”  
“Yeah. And that means I don't need you messing things up for me. I love you man, seriously, but you're going to derp the shit out of my groove if I don't give you the quick heads-up.”  
“Oh wow, are you sure? I mean, are you ready to go all the way?”  
In the darkness, Dave straightened up and gave John an appraising look.  
“You mean, you and Karkat? You haven't...?”  
“No! I mean, we're going to, it's just, you know, I want the time to be right.”  
“Oh my God I knew it, you're the girl.”  
“I am not the girl!”  
“You so are! You're the girl in the relationship! I totally knew you would be!”  
“Jesus Dave!”  
“Hey I get it dude, you don't want to give your precious flower to some fumbling homeboy in the back of a buick, it's cool.”  
“Dave! I don't even know where to start!”  
“Easy now, you'll give yourself a case of the vapours.”  
“Not cool!”  
Dave grinned, his eyes were invisible behind the ubiquitous shades that, yes, he even wore at night but John was sure he winked.  
“Okay man, I'll lay off. You're totally the boy.”  
“I'm not! I mean, we both are, that's the point!”  
“You've sure come a long way, I remember when the idea of admitting you and Karkles was even a thing gave you hives.”  
“I guess a lot has happened!”  
“Yeah, well that's why you got to give this some thought. Seriously, look around you- the moonlight, the sweet-ass view of the forest and shit, it's totally macking time. Get your swerve on!”  
“You... you uh, think we could...?”  
“Dude, if you ain't ready now then there ain't nothing more you're going to get up to at the bottom of this cold-ass mountain that's going to make you more ready. Hell I've been giving Terezi the eye all day, she knows what's coming.”  
“Uh,”  
“It's the D. The D is coming.”  
“How does she even know you've been giving her the eye?”  
Dave thought about that for less then a second and shook his head, “it doesn't matter, look, the point is we're up here, we got a nice big fire going, we got tents and shit, this is totally happening.”  
“Maybe you're right,”  
“Yeah, just maybe I am. Remember- don't fuck it up for me, okay?”  
“Dude, I'm not going to.”  
“We're not staying up all night for shitty ghost stories, okay? You're sleepy, I'm sleepy, time to turn in and get our dates into the sack.”  
“Got it!”  
  
They high-fived for luck and bro-fisted for solidarity, before making their way back to the trolls. True to his word, John said nothing when Dave announced that it was time to get some rest, even though secretly he missed the ghost stories.  
  
When the two couples parted, John made his way into the tent he would be sharing with Karkat. It was cramped, there was barely enough room for both of their sleeping bags. John shivered and shrugged off his coat, followed by his pants, before he awkwardly found his way into his bag. He had no idea how this was supposed to go, and now that the expected moment was arriving he was feeling a little uncertain. He knew that Karkat wanted things, but he still felt shy about talking it over with him. John reflected that this was probably the most intimate sleeping arrangement he had shared with his boyfriend before they had made the announcement to all of their friends that John and Karkat was officially A Thing.  
  
John lay on his back and stared into the gloom. He could faintly make out the glow of the moon through the tent material, which made him feel a little exposed and self-conscious. Matters were not helped when he heard, faintly but distinctly, a cackle carried on the wind and along with it the sound of a Strider inhaling sharply. John was so absorbed in his thoughts that he barely noticed what Karkat was up to and so it came as some surprise to him when he felt and heard the zipper of his sleeping bag tugged sharply down, and suddenly Karkat was in there with him.  
  
“Oh! Karkat!”  
“Yeah who'd you expect? Idiot.”  
“Wow. Are you... naked?”  
“Of course. All those layers, I couldn't even fit in this ridiculous human somnolence-sack with them on.”  
“It's called a sleeping bag.”  
“Whatever. Roll onto your side.”  
  
John complied, a little surprised at how forward Karkat was being, and rolled over onto his side as ordered, facing away from Karkat. He felt bare skin rubbing against his limbs, and firm fingers pulled on the back of his shirt, hauling it up. Suddenly Karkat's bare belly was pressed against John's back, skin to skin.  
“Ah-h-h, that's the stuff,” Karkat sighed.  
“Huh?”  
“You're warm, I need this.”  
“Well, uh, you're welcome.”  
“I know.”  
It was odd the way Karkat said it, a little brusquely. He was entirely behaving as though this was no more then what he was owed, and John realised that his own shyness- and he would never have admitted to Dave that it was indeed shyness- did not translate exactly into the troll mindset. He felt one of Karkat's knees squirm inbetween his own, and Karkat's leg wrapped firmly around his before the trolls ankles crossed and John found himself held firmly. There was something rubbing against him, something unfamiliar but not entirely unpleasant, and John realised that the odd something was at the level of Karkat's crotch. In the dark, John blushed and shivered all at once.  
“Are you cold?” Karkat asked.  
“A little.”  
“Well get warm. Do the mammal thing, I need heat.”  
“I'm doing my best!”  
“Mm. You better, I don't want to die out here Egbert.”  
John grinned, Karkat only called him Egbert when his insults and general needling were meant in a somewhat playful way. Karkat's arms snaked through his armpits and wound around him, and John felt Karkat's hands play smoothly over his belly and his chest.  
  
“Karkat.”  
“Mm?”  
“Are we going to, mm, do it?”  
“Do what?”  
“You kno-o-ow,”  
“If this is some more human bullshit, I'm too cold and too tired. Out with it!”  
“Are we going to...” _are you going to fuck me?_ “Are we going to have, you know, sex?”  
“The human congress ritual.”  
“Um. Yes.”  
Karkat grunted, “what, right now? What put that idea in your head?”  
“You're right up against me!”  
“Yes.”  
“I mean... Jesus I think you're nearly inside me right now anyway, I thought you were...”  
“John.”  
“Yes?”  
“Go to sleep.”  
  
John stared straight ahead. He couldn't stop blushing. Karkat was stroking his belly over and over, and once he felt Karkat's wristbone brush directly over... that... but he was acting as though the situation were as normal as nipping out to the shops and just as sexual. On the other hand- it was nice. The attention Karkat was paying him was so unlike his normal self, so unlike how he had ever seen Karkat in fact, that it was lovely just to luxuriate in it. Even if this wasn't the overture to some kind of sexual encounter, it was still far more then John had experienced so far, and he liked it. John suddenly had a mental image of Dave's face if he ever tried to explain this situation.  
  
“Karkat?”  
“Mm?”  
“Do you think I'm the girl?”  
“John.”  
“Yes?”  
“I have absolutely no cultural context with which to answer that question.”  
“Oh. Uh, never mind.”  
  
It was stupid, and a ridiculous oversimplification of their relationship. Stupid asshole Dave. John wasn't so naïve as to suggest that he knew everything about how things were supposed to work when you were going out with another boy- albeit an alien one- but he was fairly sure that the idea he would be 'the girl' out of the two of them should be offensive on some level. John just closed his eyes and snuggled up, pressing back against Karkat happily. He had to admit, there were worse ways to get to sleep.  
  
John slowly woke, he had drifted off contentedly, but something had roused him up again. He wasn't sure if he had just blinked out for a moment, or if it had been hours. There was a whisper, a little harsh, in his ear.  
  
“You're so fucking pitiful.”  
John stared ahead, wide-eyed. The whispering went on.  
“I pity the shit out of you, I'm going to stay here all night just frothing with pity all over your ridiculous human carcass. I'm not even going to cut you up a bit. I'm going to make sure you don't end up bitten to shit, 'cause you're such a pitiful-”  
“Karkat!” John squeaked.  
“John? You're awake?”  
“Yes!”  
“Shh,”  
John felt a hand stroking over his hair, and nubby little claws gently caressing his scalp. The sensation sent a tickle right down to the base of his spine, and he shivered wildly.  
“You like that?”  
“Y-yes,”  
“Course you do, you pitiable little fucker, c'mere-”  
Suddenly John felt Karkat's characteristically triangular little tooth-nubs on his ear, and a tongue lashing out over the lobe. He was fully erect now, and found it hard to resist squirming. He still had no idea what was happening but it was driving him crazy.  
“Karkat, that feels really nice,”  
“Mhmmm,” Karkat sucked on his ear, touching all over with gentle dabs of his tongue-tip, while his arms snaked around John's middle possessively and held him tightly.  
“Do you want me to, uh, do anything?”  
“Mm-mm, don't worry. I'm here I'll make sure you're all safe and not-murdered. I'll fuck the shit out of a bear if it comes for you. I'll sickle it's fucking teats off.”  
  
John had the sudden and strange realisation that he was being comforted. In a horrible way that kept circling around the subject of murder, but comforted nonetheless. John knew a cultural minefield when he blundered into one by this point, and trod carefully.  
“Hey, Karkat?”  
“Mm?”  
“What is it that's happening right now? I just want to be sure?”  
“What do you mean? We're sleeping, you said you were tired.”  
John tried to concentrate, he felt Karkat's fingertip brush over the hot, hard stiffness he was unable to take his mind off of.  
“What do trolls do when they sleep together?”  
“What are you talking about? They take shifts and keep away predators. Uh. Why, what do humans do?”  
John smiled and hugged Karkat's arms around his middle, bending about his middle to press his rump back and sandwich Karkat snugly between himself and the wall of the sleeping bag, Karkat seemed to like that.  
“Don't worry about it, I just wanted to be sure.”  
“Am I doing something wrong?” Karkat sounded concerned suddenly.  
“No. This is just so nice. I'll protect you from predators too.”  
Karkat let out the weird, crackly little hiss that was his equivalent of a happy sigh.  
“Will you?”  
“Yep.” John pulled one of Karkat's hands up and kissed the rough, thick knuckle, “I'll protect the shit out of you. I'll hold you tight and make sure you're all safe and warm. Because I pity you so much.”  
“Mmm-m-m-m,”  
“I pity you loads.”  
  
Karkat kissed the back of his neck and curled around him happily, and John felt the protective, comforting presence of him all around. Perhaps it made sense for trolls- after all, if you couldn't sleep safely around your matesprit then when could you? And from what he had gathered troll society was pretty violent, a person you could trust to watch over your sleeping body must have a special significance to a troll, he reasoned. Suddenly, a thought occurred to him.  
  
“Hey, Karkat?”  
“Yes, John.”  
“So, what do you do when you're sleeping with your moirail?”  
“Oh. Well, that's different.”  
“Different like how?”  
“Naturally the stronger moirail binds the weaker tightly, so that they can offer them up to any rampaging predator and hopefully escape while they are being devoured.”  
“Woah. Really?”  
“Of course. Otherwise how else will you establish which of you is the dominant moirail?”  
John remembered a cackle in the distance, and an exclamation of surprise from the other tent, and grinned darkly.  
“I see.”  
“Yeah. I was surprised that Strider was so eager to get into a mobile-respiteblock structure with Terezi. She's going to be pretty brutal.”  
“How come?”  
“Because I warned her about bears.”  
John giggled, and didn't stop until Karkat finally managed to settle him down again with a series of the most gentle and comforting kisses he had yet experienced.  
  



End file.
